When I almost lost it

So, its 11 pm i’m laying on my bed wrestling with sleep and the idea that i have ti write something. I have an early morning tomorrow but somehow my mind (even though its well aware of this) has decided no sleep till i write.

You see, the truth is, its been ages since i last wrote, and as it is i have no idea what to write (well i have a rough idea) but i know that if i dont or if i postpone it till tomorrow, i’ll probably lose it.
” The faintest pen is sharper than the greatest memory” said a man i know…. But sometimes even our memories faint and the pen’s nib pierces straight thru our very hearts, maybe thats why we shy away from writing down events that happen in our daily lives.

Worry not, my writing today is no journal, just a confession, from one pen to the other.

Forgive me for my insensitivity
my lack of consideration
how i treated you or didnt at all
When i almost lost it…

I never meant to be impatient
never meant to be rude and talk back at you
i should have embraced you, thrown my arms around you instead i threw them at you,
but if you can only listen for a while, then you’d see
that i saw so much of me in you
so much of what i hated in me
perfectly represented in another
That i almost lost it…..

You asked me if i could be trusted
without thinking i firmly nodded
and didnt hesitate to straight up assure you, how no other soul would ever got to know
but what i didnt say is that
keeping this to myself was kinda hard
it silently gnawed in my heart
and before you could know
i blotted it to another page
and we promised to hide it in another chapter,
and everytime you wanted to share more, honestly,
I almost lost it………

I painted a picture and you liked it
what you didnt know is i had just framed you
showed you only the sides that i wanted you to see and covered the rest in thick layers of beautiful paint
every day you trusted me more
every day it injured me more
i wanted to tell you how bad i was, but i was so afraid that i’d lose you, and so afraid to hurt you
the thought of that was too much
I almost lost it…..

Then one day, without warning with no sign, out of nowhere, the banks burst, I LOST IT
everything i had kept in came gushing out, shamelessly/ uncontrollably, tried to stop it but the heart was abundant, so i said stuff i shouldnt have to people i shouldnt have/ i broke the promise, big time.

I know you’re disappointed, but before you cast the stone just hear me out.
When i lost it i realised one thing, that i never had it, i never did and i never will.
I cant keep anything to myself coz i have nothing for myself.
Matter of fact i learnt that all along i should have died to self.

So here’s my apology
not for losing it, but for almost losing you.
For pointing you towards me rather than to Christ.
For reading you stuff contrary to His Word.
For not telling you about the book of Jeremiah
that ”cursed is the man who puts His trust in a man”
for Not being man enough to accept i am weak….

I’m sorry for denying you the joys of solely depending on Christ NOt the arm of flesh.
But tonight i’m pointing you back there. Back to where it was Won, back to The Cross, back to the feet of Mercy
to the greatest gift
He gave me a responsibility and i Almost Lost it,
to tell you that HE’LL Never Lose you
That hell never owned you.
That men never raised you…

And that if you have to lose it, lose your life, coz then in Him, you’ll gain it.

For God’s glory Solely

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same difference

The difference between  them is as similar as it is between us. Well that sounded good in my head, not sure it makes sense but well *shrugs* eeh. Twins..
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So you use a mirror yes? Do you know mirror image identical twins have reverse asymmetric features. Did you know that? Well take a look…if you do not know what to look for, that is okay. We gat you, just follow us through the journey of these lovely people.
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 As much as they look a lot alike, they are as different as you and me (refer to the first line, see it sort of makes sense). Their finger prints can never be an exact replica.
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Mother of twins may live longer. Now yes! Yes! Twins are cooler but their moms’ are the coolest, their strength can only be divine. to carry around more than one life, *slow whistle* Now 2 twin moms now this is a sight for sore eyes.
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 Now one can have two babies at the same day but not be twins. How? Superfetation that is how. This is a very rare condition that occurs when a pregnant woman continues to menstruate and a second embryo forms. Often, the fetus conceived last is born prematurely, while the fetus conceived first is carried to term, but in some cases, the babies are born on the same day.  (hello google)
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So the’ twin’ bond is something almost as beautiful as a ‘mother-child bond’ they interact with each other in the womb. Now how cool is that. Even before they meet up with their mom, they pretty much know each other and one prolly has leverage over the other. There prolly was one who was bullying the other or peed a lot whilst in the womb and the other good twin can’t wait to tell on his/her brother/sister. Some twins take it a notch higher by investing their own language. Now as if language formation is not easy for the elites, twins can just show off their awesomeness by inventing their own language. Assigning meaning to gagaga gugguu and llalalala * walks to the corner to think about life*
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We had so much fun shooting ( not the violent kind) these twins.
The Journey begins…

Shot by Klensed Same Difference

Dressed By Qui The Heiress Eireney

Same Difference

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Every thing is the same, The more things change, the more they remain the same, right?

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Wrong. Tough these two are split images of each other… they are as different as the two sides of a coin

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What, dont look at me like that, Bro

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Okay, now you are just being weird, and No, you are Not seeing double, we are two

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Maybe a bit TWO alike , a lil too much for your liking

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But who is complaining? No one ever complained of a double dose of awesomeness

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Keep it here for a series of awesomeness

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Park your car by the roadside if you may, we dont want you causing Accidents now do we

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Whicheer side you choose to see, we’ll be there

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Take a seat

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Fold your arms to the embrace

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Clench your fists if you may… its about to go down

 

PROJECT : SAME DIFFERENCE

PHOTOGRAPHY: SHIRA SOZO

ASST PHOTOGRAPHY : LAURA EKUMBO

STYLING :  SARAH QUI & GRACE KELLY ICE

MEN Dressed by : Shirawa Menztrends

Are We There Yet?????

In this my life, i have not been sure about many things, but this one thing i have always been certain about, that God has me covered.
Many are the nights i felt like a primary school exercise book, carefully tucked in in a brown unga paper, safe from the dirt and filth that was our wooden lockers. Or better still, like a carefree earthworm eating away at the nutrients in the soil having no worries of incoming predators, the weight of the rock above it notwithstanding.

Okay, i accept, maybe i’m not the best at painting pictures in your mind so i’ll just stick to writting today.

As i was earlier saying, God has always assured me that He’s got me covered. He’s even gone to the extent of proving it in actions more often than once but truth is, there are times i still doubt Him.

Today for example was one such day. I’ve had a lousy lazy day to say the least
I spent the better part of the day lazing around in bed even though i had work to do. I didnt just feel like working. It didnt seem worthwhile
Let me Explain ( and no i’m not Kevin hurt thank you very much)
For the better part of this year God has had me on an amazing Journey; one of celebrating and rejoicing with friends as i see them scale great heights in their lives as a whole (Calling, careers, arts, relationships et all) And let me just say i have never been happier for and with them. You’d almost think i was the one excelling, making those strides……….

But therein lies the problem, it wasnt me, it’s them.
So most recently i’ve been granted (not in my wildest dreams) the opportunity to dine with most and get to hear (or see) the extent of The Blessing.

The other day i was in the presence of some and amidst the laughter and merry i couldnt help but feel a deep emptiness. A sense of failure. They all seemed unreachable, not to mean they were distant, but that for once i was able to view them from where they are now based on where they were when i met them and boy havent they grown. Both physically and financially to say the least. Then i looked at me and i felt like i’m at the same place , like there has been a stagnation over the years. I felt sorry, for me

So today as i lay in bed (its been a hectic schedule for me since friday last week to tuesday) i took time to reflect. I hadnt purposed to, but i guess God in His wisdom had planned it. I thought of the journey He and i have been on. How He’s grown my Faith, how He has always outdone my expectations, exceedingly abundantly above all. How He’s never left even when i threatened to leave. I remembered His undying Faithfulness and commitment. And i saw His grace, that He’d surroundd me with such amazing selfless Beautiful God fearing people despite my unworthiness.

I decided to thank Him instead and not to fret.
For where He has me, for friends that still would consider me family despite their rapidly changing statuses. For those getting married, those getting promotions (and they are quite many) Those whose businesses are blossoming, those traversing Nations ( yes, nations not counties) with the gospel. Those i have to switch on the tv at particular hours just so i wouldnt miss their shows or news.
I choose to celebrate my friends who fly in and out of the country at will as i still trust God to go to the coast. Hehehehe

I choose to focus on glorifying God whether this fig tree that is my life seems to blossom or not. To wait for the perfection of His time when He shall unearth the gems He’s placed in me. To support those He brings my way to be even better than they currently are.
To Love the girl He’s given me and to work on perfecting our relationship based on His standards not those set by those who’ve gone ahead. To Let Him teach me how to love, coz she knows how flawed and wanting i am in this sector.
To give without expecting and love without withholding..

To know that I’m not where i would like to be but that i’m also not where i was.

I’m learning not to despise humble beginnings. Because even Our Lord doesnt despise them.

I pray that i will Not waste this season but that through it all, Gods glory will be Manifest.

So, Are we there yet? I say Not yet.
We March on and press on to The Mark. Daily dying, daily living

Dont stop doing what you have been instructed to do because of comparison and fear of failure. Stick to your lane …..

FIGHT the good fight (Love, Patience)
RUN the race (Endurance , perserverance)
KEEP the Faith (Diligence, Stewardship)
until CHRIST returns.

Remember:::He’s got you covered…

Ps:: As i was drafting this earlier yesterday, I met a
friend of mine, a brother who’d just returned from a weeks vacation in brazil (hahhahahahahahaha God is Funny But i Love Him that way)

31 In The Flesh…

The Cheerful One

31 in the flesh, 31 to the bone, 31 to the core…

I know people who really knew what parties were about, what celebration was all about. 180 days of flossing and boasting of the ‘kings majesty and splendour’ (Paul would have a kill here on boasting and all #justsaying) and not to mention the seven days of drinking and making merry. Yes this is found in the Bible not a work of fiction, not an imagination. (regardless of the amount of fiction am reading now, like ‘The Shack‘ really great you guys should have a read. That aside where was I? .. Err Err, Yes Esther chapter 1 & 2.

I see God as a father in the way Haddasah is raised, happened this was the Hebrew name (Correct me if am wrong) then the other so that she didn’t feel out of place (Nickname perhaps or…

View original post 1,307 more words

When I almost lost it

So, its 11 pm i’m laying on my bed wrestling with sleep and the idea that i have ti write something. I have an early morning tomorrow but somehow my mind (even though its well aware of this) has decided no sleep till i write.

You see, the truth is, its been ages since i last wrote, and as it is i have no idea what to write (well i have a rough idea) but i know that if i dont or if i postpone it till tomorrow, i’ll probably lose it.
” The faintest pen is sharper than the greatest memory” said a man i know…. But sometimes even our memories faint and the pen’s nib pierces straight thru our very hearts, maybe thats why we shy away from writing down events that happen in our daily lives.

Worry not, my writing today is no journal, just a confession, from one pen to the other.

Forgive me for my insensitivity
my lack of consideration
how i treated you or didnt at all
When i almost lost it…

I never meant to be impatient
never meant to be rude and talk back at you
i should have embraced you, thrown my arms around you instead i threw them at you,
but if you can only listen for a while, then you’d see
that i saw so much of me in you
so much of what i hated in me
perfectly represented in another
That i almost lost it…..

You asked me if i could be trusted
without thinking i firmly nodded
and didnt hesitate to straight up assure you, how no other soul would ever got to know
but what i didnt say is that
keeping this to myself was kinda hard
it silently gnawed in my heart
and before you could know
i blotted it to another page
and we promised to hide it in another chapter,
and everytime you wanted to share more, honestly,
I almost lost it………

I painted a picture and you liked it
what you didnt know is i had just framed you
showed you only the sides that i wanted you to see and covered the rest in thick layers of beautiful paint
every day you trusted me more
every day it injured me more
i wanted to tell you how bad i was, but i was so afraid that i’d lose you, and so afraid to hurt you
the thought of that was too much
I almost lost it…..

Then one day, without warning with no sign, out of nowhere, the banks burst, I LOST IT
everything i had kept in came gushing out, shamelessly/ uncontrollably, tried to stop it but the heart was abundant, so i said stuff i shouldnt have to people i shouldnt have/ i broke the promise, big time.

I know you’re disappointed, but before you cast the stone just hear me out.
When i lost it i realised one thing, that i never had it, i never did and i never will.
I cant keep anything to myself coz i have nothing for myself.
Matter of fact i learnt that all along i should have died to self.

So here’s my apology
not for losing it, but for almost losing you.
For pointing you towards me rather than to Christ.
For reading you stuff contrary to His Word.
For not telling you about the book of Jeremiah
that ”cursed is the man who puts His trust in a man”
for Not being man enough to accept i am weak….

I’m sorry for denying you the joys of solely depending on Christ NOt the arm of flesh.
But tonight i’m pointing you back there. Back to where it was Won, back to The Cross, back to the feet of Mercy
to the greatest gift
He gave me a responsibility and i Almost Lost it,
to tell you that HE’LL Never Lose you
That hell never owned you.
That men never raised you…

And that if you have to lose it, lose your life, coz then in Him, you’ll gain it.

For God’s glory Solely

CORNtentMENT

I’m looking forward to write about maize/call me a corn artist/ and when it comes to art/i’d rather pen it as notes i’m not a coin artist/
but truth is, its been hard sticking to the cob/ and even though you cover me and keep me from the dangerous mob/sometimes i want to just be exposed to the sun and just pop/ sometimes i want to peep and see the action outside /but you tell me to trust you and just stay in/ and as much as i should say that its bean a maizeing / sometimes its easier being a mono than just a Die cot you lead on/ i guess i can say i’ve been on the grind for a while /and even though its painful you making me flour/ you say i’m fine/ i want to Go against the grain but that’s just like going against myself /and i don’t think i have strength left/ to argue with you about those like me left bereft/ those who’ve Had to watch the de mice of their own/ and it really sucks to be bundled up in sacks/ but you know best and you said i should trust/ even when it gets harder than crust/ you say You are enough and even though its hard / you teach me to lean on you/to follow keenly not to rely on the strength of my stalk/ that the heat Of your Son is to Prepare and make ready / as you turn me on your grill i know you like the smell/ sooner Or later to you i know i will be served / such honour such privilege not many make it to your table/ so Lord even though i know i don’t deserve/ Make me Corn tent in knowing i am your staple

Amazing Grace
a Maize in Graze
amazed i graze on grace